Warmth

Flashback to 1995. I was bed ridden in a hospital, recuperating from a surgery to remove my appendix. Even back then, teenagers cannot lie still and do nothing for five minutes so naturally, being 15 years old, I was getting bored to tears. If I had that surgery during the school year, maybe I would have been ecstatic but unfortunately, summer had just started. In fact, my tummy started hurting the night before, while I was packing my stuff to go to an outing with my friends the following morning to celebrate the first day of summer break. It was also the FIRST time my parents allowed me to go out with my classmates without a chaperon.  Knowing that my friends were having fun at that very moment while I was in a hospital bed, I was, of course, miserable. I was also thinking about the camp that my sister, cousins, and friends were going to two weeks from that day. My mom was already talking about it being a good idea for me to just stay home. Double misery!

Enter Phil Collins. Actually a CD of Phil Collins. My mom bought me a CD to cheer me up. Again, of Phil Collins. I was 15…for gawdsake! Teens then listen to Back Street Boys and Alanis Morisette…not the 40-ish Phil Collins! But I was bored. With my Discman, (no iPod or mp3s yet) for company, I would listen to anything.

When I’m feeling blue, all I have to do is to take a look at you…then I’m not so blue.

Okay, at fifteen, love was an alien word to me. My parents had my sister and I swear, cross our hearts, and hope to die that we will not entertain suitors nor have boyfriends until we finish college. But at that moment, I was introduced to this feeling that was new to me. Feelings for that someone who will make me forget about my problems (problems like math homework, or the impending begging and cajoling I will have with my mom to let me go to the camp that summer). Love is nice. I liked it. What Phil Collins was singing…I couldn’t wait to grow old and feel those things. I had been recruited as a helpless romantic.

Fast forward to 2013. Sitting on a table, listening to Pandora while working. Phil Collins enter the scene again. With that same song… and all of a sudden, memories of that day suddenly came flooding back. Nope, not memories of that imaginary boyfriend but memories of my innocence. Memories of warm, carefree summers with friends and family. Of secret crushes and suitors. Of time when dad and mom were around fussing to make sure that my decisions were right. Of times when you thought love is a bed of roses. Those were times when bills, work, cooking, and taking care of a family were the farthest from my mind. And yeah, of time when “groovy” was still a word…at least in your parents’ conversation. Happy memories…don’t we all want them? To be young and carefree.

Spring is almost here. Summer is just around the corner.

Today’s sing along song: Groovy Kind of Love by Phil Collins (please bear with me with this one)

Trapped

don’t undress my love
you might find a mannequin:
don’t undress the mannequin
you might find
my love.
she’s long ago
forgotten me.
she’s trying on a new
hat
and looks more the
coquette
than ever.

she is a
child
and a mannequin
and death.
I can’t hate
that.
she didn’t do
anything
unusual.
I only wanted her
to.

-Charles Bukowski

Extraordinarily Ordinary

There are days when I feel like everything’s too good to be true. Like today.

Nothing special really happened. I have no extraordinary story to tell. But to know that I’m still breathing is enough for me to remember that there’s so much to hope for. I admit that there were days (and there still would be) when I forget how special my life is just because I think it’s ordinary. God has blessed me so much I feel like a rotten spoiled brat before Him.

I used to dream of a quiet, simple life–and I have it now. I can feel Him moving in every little details of my life and I’m very much willing to let him take care of everything. I’m in perfect hands. After all, it was pierced and nailed specially for me. 🙂

Month-end

Month’s nearing its end. I’m happy to be alive. Life is good. 🙂

Home

I saw this and I got homesick and all worked up. This is one of those days. The first actually since I came here a month ago. I don’t know. I was perfectly satisfied when I got here. I guess I just had a rotten day. Seeing those cruel and withdrawn kids at school made me wish for the warm hugs of my Pinoy students. Everything here is a big no-no. Don’t give them food–you might get in trouble for any stomach aches (so for 3 days now, I just had to bear seeing that boy in my class who sat defiantly in the cafeteria throughout lunch period. Without food. While everybody around him was eating). Never, ever touch them–you’ll get sued for harrassment. What’s a little hug, a tiny squeeze in the shoulder? Are they trying to raise cold-blooded kids here?

Granting that the video was pretty corny. But that’s what life is supposed to be. Simplier. With lotsa smilin’ and lotsa’ huggin’. Is it really bad to show someone that you care? Especially when deep inside you you’re convinced that’s all they need to make them feel better?

I miss the “onli in da Pilipins” sunny smiles and innocent touch. Darn, I miss UP! I miss the crowd! I miss kwek-kwek, chicharon and Purefoods hotdogs! One month here? Oh boy, could I tell you what this country is missing!