Trapped

don’t undress my love
you might find a mannequin:
don’t undress the mannequin
you might find
my love.
she’s long ago
forgotten me.
she’s trying on a new
hat
and looks more the
coquette
than ever.

she is a
child
and a mannequin
and death.
I can’t hate
that.
she didn’t do
anything
unusual.
I only wanted her
to.

-Charles Bukowski

Extraordinarily Ordinary

There are days when I feel like everything’s too good to be true. Like today.

Nothing special really happened. I have no extraordinary story to tell. But to know that I’m still breathing is enough for me to remember that there’s so much to hope for. I admit that there were days (and there still would be) when I forget how special my life is just because I think it’s ordinary. God has blessed me so much I feel like a rotten spoiled brat before Him.

I used to dream of a quiet, simple life–and I have it now. I can feel Him moving in every little details of my life and I’m very much willing to let him take care of everything. I’m in perfect hands. After all, it was pierced and nailed specially for me.

Month-end

Month’s nearing its end. I’m happy to be alive. Life is good.

Home

I saw this and I got homesick and all worked up. This is one of those days. The first actually since I came here a month ago. I don’t know. I was perfectly satisfied when I got here. I guess I just had a rotten day. Seeing those cruel and withdrawn kids at school made me wish for the warm hugs of my Pinoy students. Everything here is a big no-no. Don’t give them food–you might get in trouble for any stomach aches (so for 3 days now, I just had to bear seeing that boy in my class who sat defiantly in the cafeteria throughout lunch period. Without food. While everybody around him was eating). Never, ever touch them–you’ll get sued for harrassment. What’s a little hug, a tiny squeeze in the shoulder? Are they trying to raise cold-blooded kids here?

Granting that the video was pretty corny. But that’s what life is supposed to be. Simplier. With lotsa smilin’ and lotsa’ huggin’. Is it really bad to show someone that you care? Especially when deep inside you you’re convinced that’s all they need to make them feel better?

I miss the ”onli in da Pilipins” sunny smiles and innocent touch. Darn, I miss UP! I miss the crowd! I miss kwek-kwek, chicharon and Purefoods hotdogs! One month here? Oh boy, could I tell you what this country is missing!

Getting By

Baton Rouge..my new home until next year or so. Not exactly what I hoped it would be, though. But one thing is for sure..it’s tough living in a strange land with no loved ones nearby. In a weeks’ time, I learned to depend on no one but myself. And God of course. This week and the weeks before I came here would have been impossible without the Lord. But, independence…? That’s exactly the word.

Greenpeace and my mother would have a heart attack if they saw me doing the laundry in the bath tub! But it’s either save the earth or starve to death for me and between the two, I’d rather wash my clothes in the bath tub than live through Skippy peanut butter for a whole month!

The nearly non-existent public transpo is just so horrible! We walked to Walmart the other day and that’s like a mile or so from home..and the heat…! I thought I was finally bidding heat goodbye when I left the Philippines last Monday and wow, was I ever wrong! Good thing, though that our rent includes flat rate utilities so an all-day aircon is no problem.

The toughest part is not having internet and having confusing mobile network providers. As I’m typing this entry, I barely have 10 minutes before this computer shuts down. I’m in a public library and if there’s anybody there who knows where in heck I can use an internet on a daily basis without breaking my kneecaps (there’s no chair in this place!)…please…holler back!