Counting the Days

 Soon, sweetie, soon. 
                  
     Thanks, baby (the breathing one) for taking all my hints..(wink). Both of you give me joy and reprieve from the grumpies.

Today’s sing along song: Pleasure is Mine by J.Lo

Mind Over Matter

 Just as usual, I am sitting infront of the monitor, fiddling with the keyboard with a thousand to do list on my head and not a single idea on how to start. Or where.
     Come’n…breathe in…breathe out…I will research on that blasted psych ed paper…breathe in…breathe out…I will finish my journal critique…breathe in…breathe out…I will write first two chapters of research proposal…breathe in…breathe out…I will stop thinking of dance steps for Everlasting Love (cheesy!)oopss, sorry…breathe in…breathe out…I will start now…as in now.

Today’s sing along song: Sweet Escape by Gwen Stefani

Borderline

The ant was lost and tired.
     He had to leave–he hates the people there. The people were so predictable and so demanding. They demand so much more than what he can give. He was just so tired of them all.  
     The ant rested under a huge tree and fell asleep. When he awoke, he contemplated about going back home and straighening out whatever problems he has with them. He was thinking: “I have nowhere to go.”
     But as he was about to turn back, he saw a field not far away. So green and…so beautiful. He walked cautiously..excitedly. It was something he haven’t seen before. 
     As he stood there basking in the beauty before him, he saw a pack of ants…working and playing. Happy and content. Without a doubt, before him is a promise of a new life. He fell in love with the place instantly. He wanted it and he was determined to have it.
     But the ant remembered his people. Much as he wants to start a new life, he knew he couldn’t just leave his people. It was home, after all. 
     The ant, with a heavy heart, turned and head back home.
     Days passed and the ant was seen struggling with his life in a place he calls “home”. But come night time, the ant was seen in the luscious field, playing and content. He knew he found his real home. 
     One afternoon, while the ant was resting contentedly in a tree in the field, someone whispered: “It can’t always be like this, you know.”
     Startled, the ant asked: “Who are you?”
     Instead of answerig, the whisper replied: “Every afternoon, I have been with you. When you breathe and sigh contentedly, you were breathing a part of me. I am happy that you love this place and how I wish I could take you further than what your eyes can see.”
      The ant, confuse and a little scared, stood and faced the voice. But before he could answer, the whisper continued.
     “I followed you. I’m sorry but I had to. I needed you but I realized you were gone so I followed you. I saw how happy you are here so along the way, I was wondering why you can’t stay. Then I saw. And I learned. And I cried.”
     “You rest in my tree, you eat in my field, you drank in my juices but you never stayed. Before the evening falls, you go back to that place you call home and dream of the next day when you can come back in here and do everything all over again. You never thought that maybe this place needs you, too.”
     “That place you call home is not a home because your heart is not in it.”
      The ant didn’t know what to say so he kept quiet.
     The whisper continued, “You see that huge rock before the waterfall? If you have really found your home here, all you have to do is to step over it. I will give you the life you always wanted.
     “The choice is yours. I’ll be here and I will wait. But please remember, the field won’t be here forever.”
      The ant stood undecided before the rock whose beyond means a new life.
     But the ant never made a move. He stayed exactly where he was. Never going back but never stepping forward, either. He was like that for a long time.
     The whisper watched him. The promise of a new life waiting expectantly, patiently.
     Sadly.   

                

Heaven on Earth

 I have this habit of putting off work until the deadliest deadline. Like today, I’m pretending to be working on my MA paper when actually, I’m merely browsing the net and kind of waiting for my YM to go active and talk/fight with J. But that would be another story.
     I browsed through my yahoogroups and read the archives, specifically messages in 2002 and I found out I don’t like the way I sounded there..I sounded so…bitter? and demanding? I’m surprise I still have friends left (well..they are FRIENDS, right) but u guys (bibe and chekwa), why didn’t you tell me I was so bossy and desperate-sounding that time? I mean..it wasn’t me! I swear! You should know that I was locked in a death grip with my 3-year depression that time. Thank goodness I’m through with that. But …some friends you are
     If you’re a friend then you would know that for 3 years I was down in the dumps because of X or I’m feeling so angry all the time due to Y. I would like to think now that I gave an excellent performance in convincing some people that there was some method to my madness–I was bored, uncertain, was approaching mid-twenties with nothing but a job that sucked; thinking will I get married..did I ever want to get married..will I have kids…what’s the meaning of life…and so on. Plus, I was feeling that everybody hated me..I was afraid that soon I’ll be so fat RTW shops will be lucratvie because of my plus XXX size.
     Alas, it remained free-floating lunacy. I realized that my fears were unfounded. Not only do I now know that I want to get married but I am getting married.. Plus, things turned out for the better. I didn’t get fat..(in fact I’m getting thinner I’m not liking it anymore). But the goodnews is…I love my life.
     It’s time now to say my apologies…to my friends…sorry for being such a pain in the ass the past years. But you won’t be a friend if you didn’t/wouldn’t bear with my madness. You all know who you are..I even mentioned two awhile ago. You guys are great!

                     

Today’s sing along song: These Dreams by Heart

Been A While

  It’s been a while, huh? I wanted to write something the other day but found out that I couldn’t get access to my site. My OWN site..talk about internet being accessible and all, hmp. Not only did I lost the “moment” but I also have to force myslef to write something, anything to keep this home busy. Or else, some ghost might live in here.. Heck, I’m blabbing again.

                

Today’s sing along song: Its Been a While by STAID